Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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