I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
