I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
