we have pet lesbian snakes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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