Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
