That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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