Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
