I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
