i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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