as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
