nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize