dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize