scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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