The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
