So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
