i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
