I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
