plz talk dirty to me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
