He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im holly from the hills drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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