Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
