he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
