I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
