Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
