it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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