I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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