loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
