she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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