the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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