I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
