is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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