i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
