If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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