but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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