it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
