He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How external is "for external use only"?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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