Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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