O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
