it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
