I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
