Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
