She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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