I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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