Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
