I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
