I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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