Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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