how can u be prego again
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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