i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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