I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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