remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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