I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
