Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
