What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
