tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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