So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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