saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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