I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I could make wine with my vomit
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
