I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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