Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
