Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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