Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
