C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
