Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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