Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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