Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
