Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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