What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
