you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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